Untitled
There came a time
when pigs flew high,
and rivers ran to touch the sky.
There came a time
when hearts beat true,
and hard bare feet felt morning's dew.
There came a time
when all else failed,
and widows black forever wailed.
The Puppet Show
Eyes wide open,
mouths shut tight.
Wonder and awe,
mixed with fright.
A sight never seen,
nor story heard,
they wait and listen,
to every word.
The wind starts to bite,
as their cheeks turn pink.
They can't help but stand,
motionless and think,
about those silly puppets,
and their friend,
just dreaming and wishing,
hoping it won't end.
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2 comments:
Okay Sarah. Here it goes. I've read. Now you get to hear my 'initial impressions' right? You bet your right. Anyways.
Untitled was very good, the pigs at the start kind of threw me off but I'm pretty sure I understood the poem by the end of it. Its short and too the point, just my style.
The most 'vivid' line for me in this poem was the last line. 'and widows black forever wailed' I don't really know why. I guess you just did a good job of imagery and all that fun writing stuff.
Okay, so now I can be GENTLE and somewhat honest, because I need to fix a part of your poem. I don't really know what you could change in this poem, the only part that threw me off was the pigs part. But once I understood it, it was a great line. So...yeah.
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The Puppet Show was also good. I don't know where to start with this one. I was very impressed by this one Sarah. Didn't know the 'master of haiku's' was going to be so good at poems.
I think the best lineS (yes that's a capital S, as in plural, as in more the one. Incase you didn't know) Anyways the best lineS are 'Eyes wide open, mouths shut tight' I like this because it starts off the poem by pretty much smacking the image you were trying to get across into your head.
Okay, I can be GENTLE and tell you a line that you could fix. But honestly there was nothing wrong with your poem. I tip my hat to you Sarah.
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The comment is done. And I know it blew your mind.
The pig poem was confusing for me.. probably just cause im bad at finding what poem are supposed to mean.. i agree with tyler that the last line was the most vivid. Geez, tyler pretty much said it all.. but i knew exactly what you were talking about with the puppet show. The wind starts to bite line was great if you sent this poem into the art students i could see that they would get alot of images out of it..
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