1. In an instant, pain and blood flooded his face. The basket ball had collided with his nose. Again, Michael hadn't been paying attention and his teammates had taken the opportunity to humilate him as usual.
2. After practice, Michael walked into the locker to find out that all of his clothes and belongings had been taken. This wasn't unusual for him and he knew who had done it. Disheartened, he sat down on a bench and waited. It would only be an hour or so before they returned everything.
3. A burning sensation crept up Michael's left leg as he skidded across the hard gym floor. One of his teammates had tripped him yet again. AS he gathered his dignity and stood up, he heard one of the boys murmur,
"What a loser. He can't even jog across the gym without tripping all over his fat self."
4. An explosion of laughter erupted as his shorts fell to the floor. One of Michael's teammates had taken the liberty to "depants" him as a joke. Half-naked, he quickly reached for his shorts and pulled them back up. Practice was now over and he sullenly walked back to the locker room to face more humiliation.
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5 comments:
I think my favorite is #2. Depending on how the rest of the story went it could be very good. #3 is good too because it is descriptive. I don't like #1 and 4 as much though, haha. Good job. :)
Hi Sarah,
I really like the first one because it starts of right away with action and it still describes what the story is about, humiliating michael so yes the first one is good..
Hey girl,
i liked the 3rd one the best. It intrigued me the most and wanted me to read on. I like the detail you put into your intros
The first one is good because of the action. So there is much going on from the beginning
I like the first one because it starts out with a lot of action happening. It makes the reader think what is going to happen in the rest of the story.
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